to forgive, divine.
When I look back on my life, I want to be amazed. I want to be sitting on a rocking chair on my porch, wrapped in a blanket and watching my grandchildren play in the front yard. I want my husband to be sitting in his own chair next to me, clutching my hand, knowing that our time together is limited. But it doesn’t matter, because we know that we have lived our lives together to the fullest. I don’t want to be able to come up with a single regret.
I hope that I can make a name for myself. I want to leave my mark on this world. I don’t think that anyone has to necessarily remember my name. I think that if I just leave my mark in some way, I’ll be content. But then again, who doesn’t want to do something extraordinary? I’m no different than the other billions of people on this planet. Perhaps it’s my drive that makes me just a bit different than everyone else. I will not doubt that my drive is one of my strongest qualities. That is something that I have grown to be proud of.
But, what about right now? I’m 19 years old. I know that I am so young, but I just feel like life is going to be over before I know it. How morbid, right? But it’s true! Life is so short. And it could be over so much sooner then we think. To tweak the words of Rachel Berry, “I know I’m just a sophomore, but I can feel the clock ticking away. And I don’t want to leave this world without anything to show for it.” How appropriate. I can really relate Glee to anything in my life.
I know that whatever is meant to happen, will happen. And I shouldn’t try to force anything, or make anything happen. But I guess I just really hope that something does happen. (Could I possibly say the word “happen” any more?) Something big. Soon. - M.
It’s been so long since I’ve used this blog. I switched to using my other one, which started off as a standard fitblr but morphed into becoming my personal blog as well. I found that when I was on this blog, I was just plain sad more often than not. I don’t know why. In the fitblr community, everything is uplifting and inspiring. And that’s what I needed at the moment. But recently, a friend told me how she uses a tumblr to just rant and rave about her personal life, and I really liked that idea. So that’s what I’m going to use this blog for. I assume my 40 followers that I still have on here won’t mind that much, seeing an obnoxiously long text post here and there on their dash from me. And if you do mind, I won’t mind at all if you hit the “unfollow” button.
Well, anyway, here I am. Winter break before my second semester of “Sophomore” year of college. Yay. Where am I at right now? I guess I would have to say… content. Not stupidly happy, not hating my existence. Just, content. And that’s fine. I’d rather be content then hate my life. Obviously.
This winter break should be an interesting one. Between the boy, friends, and family, I don’t think that I’ll have a second to breathe. We’ll see though, I guess.
Til next time.
I made time to go to the gym today after all, but I ruined it afterwards by having a frap and croissant from starbucks. Even though I ate well today.
Six flags tomorrow, so I won’t have time to work out. But at least I’ll be swimming and walking and shit all day. Lord, please give me the.strength to resist the funnel cake and dippin dots. Please.
They have popcorn on the tables at the shower. Mother of god. But I’m resisting. I just want to go to the gym.
I was gonna wake up early to workout before I have to get ready for this stupid baby shower, but I slept through my alarm. And now I don’t know if I’ll have time after the baby shower. DILEMMAAAAA. So not excited for this gathering of judgmental women looking at me like I’m a piece of shit. COME AT ME BITCHES.
Trolol, “And I Am Telling You” just came on my pandora, aka Jennifer Hudson before she lost all the weight. There’s my sign. I will find time to work out. Fuck errrbody.
I’m so sick of myself.